Friends are getting married. Friends are being directors. Friends are starting up business. Friends are having kids. Friends are making so much10x more money. Friends have nice clothes. And so many shoes. And they know how to look pretty for the boys. Friends are this. Friends are that. Spending in Jakarta is the same with UK while I make 10 times less the money.
One silver lining of it all : Haven't been this happy for a good long time.
Keeping up with the Joneses will be an endless exercise I know so I'm strengthening my core. Keeping up with what I know is important to me and make sure it's swimming through my veins.
Life used to be a blur of Mondays and Fridays and everything in between. Now the world is opening up to me and I have to literally choose what to focus on. It used to be a matter of what's available out there to be worked on. Now I have to make conscious decision in every single minute I live.
Empowering. Yet... very scary at the first time.
no more going with the flow F. Play time is over. Gotta get on with life before it consumes you.
mwahaha.
Life is beautiful indeed, once you decide that it will be.
But you always have to start somewhere. So many words jumping hoops and making waves in my head. Flirting with each other. Some could make lasting impressions but most are just trying their luck. A string of words would form a sticky shape and an idea would start bubbling up. From an idea comes the flood of possibilities. Streams by streams of stringed words somersaulting simultaneously. Like flying fishes. Yes. Just like that. Sudden headache. Sudden euphoria. I am standing on the safe side of the banks, and I’m fishing. I’m fishing for a punch line. I’m fishing for a main body. And I’m fishing for the multitudes of meanings that the shortest amount of words could possibly contain. And I am continuously amazed by them. As I am not built in with a carrying basket, I let those wondrous creatures back into the realm of the nature. If I am blessed I might have been given a chance to jot them down on paper. But most times I carve them in my head. And let time take care the rest.
This time last year, and the year before is all about drama. This year is not. And I am thankful for that.
The world is at an awkward phase I think. Or maybe I am. I mean I know that the world is sick. But deep down I seem to still have this make-believe that everything is actually ok. Until one day I opened my eyes. And it seems that really.... Everybody is just as confused as everybody else.
Used to think that Thais are the most peaceful people on earth. When they talk about corruption, I always thought that only the crooks do it. But even the good people corrupt the company's time with their 2 hours lunches, private phone calls
And so it seems that you have to keep your guards up every single moment. Being nice to people can be suicide sometimes. As my experiences have thaught me. Feeling the ground that I am walking on as I trudge along. My personality seemed to have been so much absorbed by the dramas since I was 17. And now I am almost what. 25? And yet.... there's so much I don't know about myself.
So privileged yet so lost. The trouble of the next generation. I am still thankful though. That, I am getting better at.
disturbed me that I could not concentrate the whole day after.
If you came hoping for a feel good movie then you'll be dissapointed. A guy so deeply remorsed with his negligence in the past decided to give all of him away to 7 strangers. Willingly.
Yea yea. the movie was so full of symbolism, beautifully done, with no extra sentences, events, glances or even a drop of sunshine wasted. If you watch it again and again you could probably write and essay how the twitch in his eyes were because of what was coming next. etc etc.
The thing is. It is still a movie to the fact that his heart fits in the girl's body perfectly.... and all other 'movie quality' of a story. But still it's so real.
The punchline at the end that 7 people died because of him BB-ing while driving. *spoiler sorry*. Is so... disturbing. I thought of many times what would I do if I am the sole survivor of something that could easily be traced back to my negligence. To have someone spend millions and make 2 hours worth of movie out of it is just... wrong. So depressing.
The whole idea of him letting 7 people live for the 7 he 'killed'... is almost poetic. Linked with the 'in 7 days God made the world, and in 7 days I killed myself' .. It's just too much. What disturb me the most is that... those kinda shit happens.
You have the greatest time of your life. Blanket of happiness. Bounce on your feet.
Then you do something stupid.
then. BAM. your life goes upside down and you barely can stand looking in the mirror at yourself.
Though noone blames you for what you do, how could they knowing you're punishing yourself enough just from one glance.
But still life has to go on. But life had since become pre and post event. And every single thing from your previous life reminds you what a failure you are and how you as a person have failed the society.
I don't know why but I'm just deeply disturbed by the movie. 'It's only a movie' some will say. Maybe because it's Will Smith. And that he's a really good actor. If I had to play that I'd probably meeting my therapist on a weekly basis on day 1 after shooting's over.
I guess.. the fact is that.. Till the end of the day.. he cannot forgive himself nor was he willing to. Forgiveness to oneself is the hardest thing to do. And maybe... that's the one thing I could relate.
1.Moved to this remote boarding school in New Zealand for high school 2.Stayed in that bloody school for the full three years even though my first 2 years were hell-ish 3.Hung out with strangers who turned out to be the added bonus of my life. 4.Taken Mechanical Engineering... 5. And stayed in it for the full four years. (Which in turn brought me to many places) 6.Worked with engines (Good conversation starter) 7.Injured myself in so many places (that I now learn how to behave. almost) 8.Backpacked in China, took a bus to neverland not knowing how to get back. 9. Wonderful parents that act what they preach more and more. 10.Beautiful brother who looks like me (just checking if he's reading). mwahaha 11.been loved and loved another human being. 12.always listen to what my heart gotta say, at the end of the day, when everything else fails 13. Worked in marketing. Even for only a short period of time. 14. Made a quick stop in Swiss on our way to Greece no matter how uneconomical now that I think of it. I can still smell Zurich! and Cheese Fonduueee.. Mmmhh 15. Followed my impulses on some random things in the past that were too stupid to put in writing and attach my name to it. (JIC I get to be president of something and you all little rascall trying to dig dirts on me) 16. This weird affinities to the Carribeans world of food and music wherever I go now. 17. Tried that ryhtmic dance that everybody seemed to be high only they weren't. 18. Travelled 2 hours with train just to see Tim Minchin' concert. (and not watching Jason Mraz although he's half an hour away from home... gah. I can be so...... pelit sometime) 19. always considered invitations for dinners were extended in the name of friendship.^_^ see post below. 20. tried futsal. never.. been.. soo... out.. of... breath.... like... that... gosh I can still remember 21. very good people around me. and that I have... 22. returned home.
although at some point I might not think such as all of the above.
